Runner with a Drinking Problem

Up to this point, I think I’ve mastered the 5K.  Note that I did not say that I’ve “dominated” the 5K.  What I mean is that I can run 3.1 miles without much discomfort in a time that is average . . . okay probably a little below average.  Since I’m a teacher and I often think in terms of my students’ abilities to master a concept or skill, I guess I would give myself a C when it comes to running a 5K.  If I could get my time down to 10-minute miles and stay there, I’d give myself a B, but anyway, one of the great things about running a 5K is that I do not require water while I am running one.  At these races, there are usually water stations with gracious volunteers balancing paper Gatorade cups on their palms with anxious, inviting looks on their faces, almost pleading with you to take their cup.

“Water?” they ask. 

There’s that anxious look.  It’s saying, “You look beat, lady, you know you want some.”

“Pshhh. Please, I do not need water when I am only running for 32 minutes (Okay, sometimes 33 or 34 . . . and even 35 on a really bad day),” and I run right on by.

It’s all good.  Little race requires little water.  Awesome. 

Unfortunately, however, as time has rolled along and I’ve been busy working on being average, Darth Vader (my husband for those of you playing along) and some of my runner friends have magically gotten better (and by magically, I mean working their butts off . . . quite literally in most cases).  With this increase in abilities, these people want to run longer distances. The nerve!  Ugh.  Well, I am not a person who enjoys being left behind, so I have tagged along, dabbling in 10Ks and couple of different 5-mile distances . . . and one time I tried training for a half-marathon, a moment in time that I have chosen to block out for now.

One of the problems with this, aside from sore legs, achy joints, burning lungs and more time spent pounding the pavement, is the need for increased hydration WHILE you are running, especially if it’s hot, and especially if you are like me functioning in a half-dehydrated state on most days because you simply don’t drink enough water. 

Okay, so it sounds easy enough.  Take the water from the nice water-station lady instead of going by, right?  Right.  But have you ever tried drinking from a paper cup while running?  If you haven’t, grab a paper cup, fill it three-fourths of the way full, and then head outside and run while trying to drink it.  It’s okay. I’ll wait . . .

You spilled it all over yourself, didn’t you?  That is precisely what I am talking about.  It’s definitely an art or another skill that I am bound and determined to master if I’m going to keep running longer distances, and my experience in the Akron Marathon relay yesterday solidifies my main reason: to not look like an idiot in an attempt to stay hydrated.

So here’s the scene:  I’m running.  I’m thirsty.  I’ve gone approximately 3.5-4 miles. I’m at Highland Square, an area with lots of spectators on the route.  I’ve bypassed 2-3 hydration stations.  My tongue is sticking to the roof of my mouth.  Must. Drink. Water.  I grab the cup and bend the lip into kind of a point because I remember Vader talking about this technique before he mastered the skill long ago. The problem is that I forgot to pay attention to the rest of the directions.  Oh well.  I put the point to my mouth and attempt to drink. 

I’m immediately overwhelmed by the sensation of suffocating!! The water not only filled my mouth, but my nose, too!  OMG. Disaster!

In a state of panic, I spit all of the water out and blew it all out of my nose (while still being careful not to soak the runner behind me, thank you very much).  I imagine that I looked like a horse that has just took a drink from a bucket or some kind of watering trough.  Sigh.

So add another skill to my list of items to work on while running. I give myself an F for water drinking.  Looks like I need some interventions or maybe a running IEP.  I guess I’ll start by getting the rest of those directions from my in-house tutor.

Until next time, I raise my paper cup to you all for reading! Cheers - - stand still before you drink!