Sole Sisters

I feel very fortunate to have remained close with my college girlfriends. Our relationships with each other are quite similar to that of a marriage - - especially mine, since I met most of them around the same time that I met my husband. We met at a young age, have seen each other through countless life milestones, have grown as individuals within our relationships, and have basically just enjoyed sharing life together. As with a marriage, sometimes we are over-the-moon happy while we’re together, and other times we want to throw each other out the window.

In fact, this is going to sound incredibly cheesy, but we were in a sorority together, and long, long ago - - like almost 18 years - - we did sort of "vow" to be there for each other in the good times and bad. We didn’t use those words exactly. Instead, we used silly terms like “carnation sisters” and talked about three chicks named Mary, Mary and Martha - - and no, there were no farm animals involved - - but the good and bad times? That’s what we meant. We’d be there for them both. Fortunately, for us, most of the times have been pretty good . . . more than good, actually. Sure, we have all dealt with what could be referred to as "routine emergencies," sad moments, and events that have changed our career paths or outlooks on life, but overall, we've been able to dust ourselves off and keep on keepin' on, as they say.

Last summer, however, life changed dramatically for one of my friends and her family. The unfathomable happened when she lost her oldest son in a tragic way. That is certainly her story to tell, but what I will tell you is that if you have ever thought that your heart has physically ached for a friend during an above mentioned, “routine emergency,” that is nothing compared to the sorrow you feel for a friend who has lost a child. There were no words to describe it then, and despite a year passing, I still find myself searching for the right words to describe the ache that hasn’t really gone away. Simply put, this has truly been a “bad time” for which none of us could prepare.

This summer, my friends organized a team of 35 people to participate in Lifebanc’s Gift of Life Walk and Run in honor of their son. When he passed away, my friends did a completely selfless act by donating their son’s heart valves and corneas to save or heal another person’s life - - and they made the decision to do this in the midst of life as they knew it coming to a complete halt. Amazing. Lifebanc is a non-profit organization that facilitates these kinds of decisions. The run/walk and proceeds from it supports their educational programs and organ donation in general. In their first year of organizing a team, my friends raised over $3,000 for Lifebanc in honor of their son. Again, AMAZING!!

The event was emotionally moving and light-hearted at the same time - - if that is even possible! It was healing to think about how organ donation is really “paying it forward” in the ultimate way. Organ and tissue recipients are humble and beyond grateful, while organ donors, and those who make decisions like my friends did, have made an ultimate sacrifice; they define “giving” in a way that most of us cannot even comprehend. A donor often passes on, but the legacy that they begin with their passing can lead to an on-going chain of life. It’s kind of mind-boggling, if you think about it.

Being at the event and being there with my friends from college felt right, if anything can feel right that comes out of something as unfortunate as losing one’s child. It didn’t matter if we were walking or running, or how fast we were going (which is good, because the course was REALLY, REALLY hilly). We were together, we were laughing, we were crying, we were supporting, we were sharing (um, and we were sweating - - and probably smelling - - by the end). We were doing the things that we said we’d do a long time ago when we probably were not even thinking about how a pledge of friendship would carry on into our adult lives, when being a friend would include befriending husbands, boyfriends, parents, siblings, children and other friends of our friends. By definition, I do not have a large immediate family, but events like these remind me that I have some of the most precious sisters a girl could ask for. I’ll take your good times and your bad, and I’ll even forgive you when you make me want to throw you out of a window . . . chances are, you’ve wanted to do the same to me ten times over.